Wayne-o the Snowboarding Bogan

Wayno lies on a single futon on the third story of his staff accommodation block. Wearing nothing more than a stained pair of bonds and a three day growth, he stirs, lets out an audible fart, and rolls over.

Wayne – or Wayno – as he’s know to his mates, is an Australia Day bogan, a not so elusive creature, but one which peaks one day a year.

With a dry mouth, a bourbon aftertaste and half a mongrel, he opens one eye. He makes a dry smacking noise with his mouth, and reaches for his iphone.

Then it dawns on him. A smirk appears on his mouth. It’s Australia day, the one day a year when red blooded Australians, brimming with nationalistic pride, get to celebrate their white, middle classed ‘Aussieness’.

He emerges. Squinting, he surveys his surroundings. It’s cold. Snowing. The air ordinarily crisp and clean, is broken only by the acrid stench of his morning cigarette. Dressed in best koala onsie, he trudges to the bus stop.

The bus is full. Not deterred, he climbs on but only to be met with jeers from other Aussies, all dressed in onesies too. There’s a giraffe, a giant banana and strangely, several other koalas, one holding a inflatable doll, mouth gaping, draped in red lipstick

There are no seats. Perched on an arm rest, he reaches for his hip flask. “Hair of the dog”, he announces loudly, as he chugs it back. The giraffe, the banana and the numerous koalas cheer in chorus.

15 minutes later the crowd emerge at the top of the ski run. Some sober but most still too pissed to legally drive, they set of. It’s a Cannonball run. First to the bottom wins. Winner is first to the bottom and first to scull a pint of VB. Wayno is in his element. Yep. It’s Australia day in the mountains…If you’re not Australian “you’d better run, you’d better take cover”. Stay safe out there folks, and if you’re an Australian in the mountains, have fun and try not to piss too many people off 🙂

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